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FOUR

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INDIVIDUALIST / TRAGIC ROMANTIC / ECCENTRIC

FOUR She is full of paradoxes and apparent contradictions. She is as empathetic as she is envious. Self-aware, yet very insecure. She can be a wonderful listener while simultaneously being an extremely withdrawn person. Although she is extraordinarily sensitive, she is also emotionally strong. Her world is a world of experiences and feelings. The Four does not shy away from any emotion – she embraces joy and sadness with equal openness. She is often perceived by others as moody or gloomy – she does not shy away from those depressing, “negative” feelings either. Melancholy is a state in which she finds pleasure, depth and inspiration for creation.

FOUR She carries within her a great deal of shame. By constantly comparing herself to others, she highlights what she herself lacks. At the same time, she constantly perceives herself as exceptional, unique, one of a kind. She is convinced that no one is able to fully see her inner self, to perceive the depth within her, and consequently – to fully accept and love her. In her view, no one is as flawed as she is, which is why no one can understand her or help her.

Plainness and ordinariness is something that at the same time FOUR it terrifies and attracts. At all costs, they try to emphasise their uniqueness – creating their own style by choosing various attributes, attitudes and behaviours designed to express their individuality. These efforts do not so much serve to draw attention to themselves as act as a defence mechanism enabling the Four to gain a sense of authenticity and inner consistency. On the other hand, the Four jealously looks at those who seem fully satisfied living their “ordinary” lives. They constantly struggle with the feeling that they are flawed and lack “that certain something” that others have.

FOUR She manipulates others in a sophisticated way. She is keen to take on the role of the martyr and the victim. A strongly diminished sense of self-worth causes her to withdraw from relationships or vanish from sight for long days or even weeks. At the same time, she hopes that this withdrawal will provoke the person she is in a relationship with to show an interest in her and come to her rescue. For the Four, this is simultaneously a way to test the other person (“Does she really care about me?”) and to experience relief from her sense of worthlessness (“After all, there is someone who matters to me”).

HEALTHY IDENTITY

95%

Four possesses an innate sensitivity. When in balance, it is accompanied by fortitude. In this state, it can support others and help them face their darkest shadows – Four knows and accepts the darkness. In the role of a friend, therapist, manager, or other confidant, a healthy Four is able to handle other people's emotions with gentleness and compassion. When in balance, it lives in harmony with itself. It remains connected to its true nature and is able to express it. At the same time, however, it is grounded and disciplined, which enables it to create works of art that resonate with it and to express deep, hard-to-define truths.

AVERAGE IDENTITY

65%

The creativity of a healthy Four is rooted in reality, whereas in an average state the Four focuses on aesthetics and imagination. It is highly sensitive to what is playing out inside it on an emotional level. It cultivates emotional states that resonate with it at any given moment, which allows it to maintain its self-image. In this state, the Four readily escapes into a world of fantasy, where it indulges in longing and the search for its saviour. It becomes withdrawn and oversensitive, causing it to overinterpret or misread any signals sent by its surroundings. It feels as though everyone around it is “normal”, except for itself. As a result, it withdraws, plunges into a feeling of envy, indulges itself and drifts further and further away from reality.

Identity Crisis

35%

The Unhealthy Four becomes extremely emotionally unstable while trying at all costs to preserve its identity. It freezes because the emotions it feels become overwhelming even for it. It plunges into self-hatred, experiences depressive states and is unable to function normally. In this state, it may seek relief in self-harm and becomes hateful towards others. The risk of it experiencing a severe nervous breakdown increases dramatically.

“I LIKED IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL”

– motto of the FOURS

THE FOURTH NEEDS

a space to experience the depth of one's emotions
self-expression through creating something beautiful / meaningful
being accepted and appreciated for who she is

FOUR IS AFRAID

of being considered average and ordinary
wasting your potential
loss of one's own identity and authenticity

STRENGTHS

artistry, creativity and appreciation of beauty
proficiency in recognising and interpreting emotions – one's own and those of others
the ability to tolerate and cope with the dark, painful side of life
the ability to uncover deep, hidden truths about the human condition
ability to show compassion and support others in experiencing their emotions

Disadvantages

oversensitivity
excessive need for control
playing the victim / martyrdom
overzealous seeking of approval from others
explosiveness
overprotectiveness or overstepping the boundaries of one's role
self-absorption

WHAT MIGHT I FEEL BEING AN ONLY CHILD

Sometimes I no longer even know who I really am.

If only I had what they have, my life would look completely different.

Nobody is able to understand what I'm going through.

LIES BELIEVED BY NUMBER FOUR

Being happy and functioning at an optimal level is not appropriate.
Everybody’s got that something, and I lack it.
I'm an emotional mess and no one understands me.
If I am not unique, I won't be important either.
I am not enough.

UNHEALTHY IDENTITY / STRESS / CHAOS

Disintegration

TOWARDS 2

In a state of disintegration, the Four reaches for the unhealthy traits of the Two. Its emotions are then dominated by envy and jealousy of what others have, which the Four believes it lacks. In this state, the Four sinks into unproductive melancholy and self-hatred. Wanting to regain even a small fraction of self-worth, it “clings” to other people. It keeps a tally of favours and manipulates others to win their favour and love. It is self-absorbed and patronising.

HEALTHY IDENTITY / WELLBEING / DEVELOPMENT

Integration

DIRECTION 1

In the state of integration, Four is able to draw upon the healthy traits of One. It is able to ground itself in the present moment and adopt a practical, objective view on certain matters. It does not allow its own feelings to constantly control it. It can achieve balance and share what it is experiencing in a composed manner. It does not lose its emotional sensitivity, but ceases to be a slave to its own feelings. Eventually, its proficiency in navigating the emotional world begins to serve others – Four then directs its attention outward and helps the people around it to cope with their feelings.

Signature quotes

“I would like to have the job / family / figure / house / trait that XYZ has”
FOUR
“I can't deal with that today, I'm feeling too depressed”
FOUR
“I am unable to explain to you what I feel. You wouldn't understand anyway”
FOUR

KNOW YOUR TYPE

Enneagram

The Enneagram is a system that organises both human potential, made up of its strengths and bright sides, and its deepest shadows, flaws and frustrations. It reveals how our identity is constructed and what stimuli bring out the best – but also the worst – in us. It allows for a deep understanding of which subconscious patterns drive our behaviours, influence our decisions and either facilitate or hinder the execution of everyday tasks.

The Enneagram reveals nine fundamental personality types. Each of them is guided in life by a different motivation, leans towards different things, and tries to stay away from different things.

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